It is possible that bullying takes place in your home, and that you are not even aware of it. Do members of your family engage in yelling, name-calling, or putdowns? Do your children pick on one another, or hit each other? If so, it is important to start fostering a positive home environment , where members of the family treat one another with kindness and respect. Punishments for bullying behavior can be effective, but they should be meaningful and limited in scope.
If, for example, you find out that your teenager is engaging in cyber bullying, her actions should be met with an immediate loss of Internet or phone privileges. In the case of particularly severe offenses, revoke the privileges for the foreseeable future, and seek the help of a therapist. But for less acute forms of bullying, the child should be able to earn her privileges back over the course of a few days. Once your child has regained her privileges and is calm, explain that she made a mistake that needs to be fixed.
Your child might choose to apologize—in person, in a letter, via text message, and so on—but repairs can take many different forms.
You can encourage your child to bake cookies for the whole class, for example, or to play a game with a peer whom she had previously been excluding. Howard recalls a former patient who had been name-calling and very patently excluding other children from her social group.
Howard explains. Follow up with teachers on a regular basis and give plenty of labelled praise when your child is being a good friend. If your child has bullied other kids over the Internet, obtain passwords to her Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter accounts, and check them regularly to make sure that she is using social media in a kind manner. Be upfront about this: let your child know that you will be monitoring her social media activity until she proves that she can handle it responsibly.
Carothers says. If you are continually working on building friendship skills with your child and the bullying does not stop, seek a mental health evaluation. In some ways the most important action you can take is to build an open channel of communication with your child about his day-to-day life that will put you in a better position to recognize signs of bullying and trouble.
Carothers recommends asking your child a few open-ended questions on a daily basis. In the morning, ask your child what she has planned for the day; after school, ask your child to tell you about one really great thing that happened that day, and one not-so-great thing.
It can be tough to get started, but kids who are regularly expected to share details of their lives with parents are more comfortable continuing into adolescence to clue their parents in to what they are doing. Gina found that staying connected to her son in a supportive, non-judgmental way was key to minimizing his aggressive behavior. Fill their heads and hearts with love. Get this as a PDF. Enter email to download and get news and resources in your inbox.
Do not react or respond. That's what the bully wants! It can be hard to remember all your good points when someone is doing their best to be negative. However, try to think of all the things you do well and remember that you are a valuable person. Thinking of how bad the bully must be feeling may also help you to stay positive.
Picture your bully standing on their head with their body stretching — almost as if they were standing in front of a distorted mirror like the kind you see at a carnival. Listen to their voice as it comes out all distorted and warbled. Visualize a tall armored shield. Bullies usually pick on people that they think are weaker than they are, so stand up to them. You might be scared but if you keep standing up to them they'll stop.
If you are afraid of your bully avoid places where your bully hangs out, or take a different route to school. Bullies feel empowered to bully one person, but rarely will they bully a group. Hang out with your friends. If the bully does feel like conquering the group, walk away. If after using these tactics and the bullying doesn't stop, it may be time to ask for help. Don't be afraid to let someone know that you are being bullied.
There are people who care about you and will help you. Don't bully back. Don't hit, kick, or push back to deal with someone bullying you or your friends. Fighting back just satisfies a bully and it's dangerous, too, because someone could get hurt. You're also likely to get in trouble.
It's best to stay with others, stay safe, and get help from an adult. Don't show your feelings. Plan ahead. How can you stop yourself from getting angry or showing you're upset? Try distracting yourself counting backwards from , spelling the word 'turtle' backwards, etc.
Tell an adult. If you are being bullied, it's very important to tell an adult. Find someone you trust and talk about what is happening to you. Teachers, principals, parents, and lunchroom helpers at school can all help to stop bullying.
Sometimes bullies stop as soon as a teacher finds out because they're afraid that they will be punished by parents. This is not tattling on someone who has done something small — bullying is wrong and it helps if everyone who gets bullied or sees someone being bullied speaks up. In the end, most bullies wind up in trouble. If they keep acting mean and hurtful, sooner or later they may have only a few friends left — usually other kids who are just like them.
The power they wanted slips away fast. Other kids move on and leave bullies behind. Some kids who bully blame others.
But every kid has a choice about how to act. Some kids who bully realize that they don't get the respect they want by threatening others. They may have thought that bullying would make them popular, but they soon find out that other kids just think of them as trouble-making losers. The good news is that kids who are bullies can learn to change their behavior.
Teachers, counselors, and parents can help. So can watching kids who treat others fairly and with respect. Bullies can change if they learn to use their power in positive ways. In the end, whether bullies decide to change their ways is up to them.
Some bullies turn into great kids. Others never learn. But no one needs to put up with a bully's behavior. If you or someone you know is bothered by a bully, talk to someone you trust. Everyone has the right to feel safe, and being bullied makes people feel unsafe.
Tell someone about it and keep telling until something is done.
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